It’s hard admitting that I get frustrated that I’m no longer my first priority. That parts of my life have had to take a back seat while my kids are so young.
Since having children my body has changed. No shit. Over the past three years it has grown, birthed and fed two healthy kids.
I fully appreciate this, but it doesn’t stop me from being saddened by the fact my body has changed beyond belief.
I’m now 8-months post birth of my daughter and slap bang in the middle of parenting my toddler who’s reached his ‘terrible-twos’. I desperately want to address my expanding waistline but I simply don’t seem to have the capacity to do so.
All of my motivation, energy and patience is taken up being a stay-at-home-mum to two children under two-and-a-half and all that that entails.
My children depend on me for absolutely everything. On a morning I have just about enough time to shit, shower and shave* before I’m in full-on parenting mode for the day.
People weren’t kidding when they said it was relentless raising two kids only 20-months apart and it just seems physically impossible to spend enough time caring for myself. Some things just have to give.
I know as much as the next person how important self-care is but I genuinely just don’t seem capable of finding enough time for myself.
If I’m not feeding, clothing, changing, entertaining my kids, then I’m walking the dog, shopping, tidying, cleaning the house, sorting the garden, or just doing general life admin.
In the limited time I do have for myself, I’m usually housebound (when the kids are napping) and feel pressured into doing something that will have an instant tangible result as the rest of my life is currently a relentless treadmill.
I enjoy blogging, writing to friends, crafting, cooking, baking and making things for my children. All of these I manage to make time for.
I also enjoy keeping fit, cycling, adventuring, running, volunteering and various other activities that usually take a lot of time and commitment and are done outside the house. These have all fallen off the radar – for one reason or another – since becoming a mum.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really frustrated that I’ve not been able to do these ‘other’ things and become quite bitter. My body is the physical embodiment of the lack of fitting them in. I’m the heaviest, most out-of-shape I’ve ever been, but that’s to be expected right? I only gave birth 8-months ago.
I’m going to reallign my focus. I need to concentrate on embracing and finding fulfillment in the things that I do already and stop pining for things that just cannot be done at the moment. After all this is just a phase, my kids are not going to be this dependent on me forever.
So perhaps I do just need to bite the bullet and admit that I really am at a time in my life where certain things do need to take a back seat. That I just can’t have it all as a stay at home mum to two very young children.