It’s hard admitting that I get frustrated that I’m no longer my first priority. That parts of my life have had to take a back seat while my kids are so young.
Since having children my body has changed. No shit. Over the past three years it has grown, birthed and fed two healthy kids.
I fully appreciate this, but it doesn’t stop me from being saddened by the fact my body has changed beyond belief.
I’m now 8-months post birth of my daughter and slap bang in the middle of parenting my toddler who’s reached his ‘terrible-twos’. I desperately want to address my expanding waistline but I simply don’t seem to have the capacity to do so.
All of my motivation, energy and patience is taken up being a stay-at-home-mum to two children under two-and-a-half and all that that entails.
My children depend on me for absolutely everything. On a morning I have just about enough time to shit, shower and shave* before I’m in full-on parenting mode for the day.
People weren’t kidding when they said it was relentless raising two kids only 20-months apart and it just seems physically impossible to spend enough time caring for myself. Some things just have to give.
I know as much as the next person how important self-care is but I genuinely just don’t seem capable of finding enough time for myself.
If I’m not feeding, clothing, changing, entertaining my kids, then I’m walking the dog, shopping, tidying, cleaning the house, sorting the garden, or just doing general life admin.
In the limited time I do have for myself, I’m usually housebound (when the kids are napping) and feel pressured into doing something that will have an instant tangible result as the rest of my life is currently a relentless treadmill.
I enjoy blogging, writing to friends, crafting, cooking, baking and making things for my children. All of these I manage to make time for.
I also enjoy keeping fit, cycling, adventuring, running, volunteering and various other activities that usually take a lot of time and commitment and are done outside the house. These have all fallen off the radar – for one reason or another – since becoming a mum.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really frustrated that I’ve not been able to do these ‘other’ things and become quite bitter. My body is the physical embodiment of the lack of fitting them in. I’m the heaviest, most out-of-shape I’ve ever been, but that’s to be expected right? I only gave birth 8-months ago.
I’m going to reallign my focus. I need to concentrate on embracing and finding fulfillment in the things that I do already and stop pining for things that just cannot be done at the moment. After all this is just a phase, my kids are not going to be this dependent on me forever.
So perhaps I do just need to bite the bullet and admit that I really am at a time in my life where certain things do need to take a back seat. That I just can’t have it all as a stay at home mum to two very young children.
November 13, 2017 at 8:29 pm
I hear you loud and clear!! I could of wrote this post myself I relate to so much. Even down to the age difference in our kids. It’s hard word I know! I’m about 6 months ahead of you and I promise it does get easier. My eldest is about to turn 3 and suddenly he’s not quite as hard work as when he was 2 1/2. He’s grown into a little boy with his own opinions when he want to is a great help. They are amazing company for each other and now I crave the baby days all over.
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November 13, 2017 at 8:35 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! In rare moments of clarity I know that it will get better/easier/more enjoyable, but when you’re in the thick of it it’s so hard to see the wood for the trees! It’s hard to admit that your kids limit you, but fundamentally they do to some extent. I’ll try not to wish this time away when they’re this young just so I can get back to my hobbies! x
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November 13, 2017 at 8:53 pm
It is really tough but like you say I think we need to embrace what we have and remember these years will zoom by. #anythinggoes
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November 13, 2017 at 9:09 pm
You’re right. My Mum says I need to slow down, live in the moment and stop wanting for more! X
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November 14, 2017 at 10:40 am
as a stay at home dad with an ever expanding waistline who’s ‘me time’ is 3am to 4am I totally get this (and I havent even been breast feeding!!)
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November 14, 2017 at 10:54 am
Cheers Daddy Poppins. It’s the same for us all isn’t it, SAHMs, SAHDs, working mums/dads – children are just a huge time sponge. Yes, we all love our children dearly, but we all have to find time and ultimately sacrifice certain things! Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment x
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November 14, 2017 at 11:13 am
I totally feel you although I’m not a stay at home mum I still manage to loose track of ever taking time for myself. #TwinklyTuesdays
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November 14, 2017 at 2:20 pm
There just simply not enough hours in the day and energy in the tank to fit every thing in! x
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November 14, 2017 at 2:38 pm
It tooo me a looooong time to come to terms with this too but as soon I embraced it and stopped trying to be the person I once was, life became that much more enjoyable. I also console myself that this will not last forever, the kids will grow and fly the nest and I can be me again, or find myself again. That said we all need some me time. Although I’m a SAHM I still put G in Nursery and now preschool because it gives me time to do what the heck I want and in peace. Whether that be knocking down a wall, rearranging a room, watching Netflix or getting my hair done. Or meeting for lunch without a child to entertain. Of course it’s an expensive option so if you have family or friends who can relieve you now and again it’s nice. Our method is I do all day and then hubs comes home and does the bedtime routine so I can have some self care time. You’ll find your way and a good balance.
Thanks for linking up to #KCACOLS
Come back soon x
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November 14, 2017 at 10:06 pm
My 2-year-old goes to nursery just two mornings a week but my 9-month-old won’t go for another year and a half. As you said it’s just finding little pockets of time. In fact I took up your way of doing bedtime, my husband and I usually do it together, but he does bath time and I join them now for story time. Just so I can have a little peace and quiet and collect my thoughts before I say goodnight to the kids x
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November 14, 2017 at 9:02 pm
I am planning to have two under two (If I can) so i have all this to look forward to! It must be hard to find time for yourself, and I guess its easy for me to say because I don’t have two yet, but don’t forget who you are, your more than just Mummy your you and your a Mummy ( a very good one by the looks of it!) XXX
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November 14, 2017 at 10:20 pm
Don’t let me put you off! Having two less than two years apart is wonderful and I personally wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s just that I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was hard work and had it’s down sides! Good luck in your quest 😜x
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November 18, 2017 at 2:22 am
It’s is crazy hard, but live in the moment… they’ll be 10, then 30 in no time! Enjoy the journey. I know, way easier said than done… but worthy nonetheless #bigpinklink xoxo
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November 18, 2017 at 2:50 pm
My youngest is now three and I still haven’t lost the baby weight. About 6 months though I finally stopped making myself feel guilty for it. It’s impossible to do everything. It’s about prioritising. If I’m honest with myself, I could probably fit exercise in now that my youngest does 2.5 days at preschool but I use that time to work on my blog and then do other bits around the house so I can spend the days she’s home with her. For me, they’re my priorities and once I realised and accepted that I have felt more confident in my body than I ever have, despite being bigger than I ever have been.
Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x
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November 19, 2017 at 11:07 am
I know what you mean Alana (what a beautiful name), I just need to face the facts and work out exactly what my priorities are. I’m struggling with the constant juggle but I think if I sit and have a proper think and perhaps write things down I may have a cats chance in hell to get things sorted and ultimately make me feel happier. x
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November 18, 2017 at 8:25 pm
I honestly have the utmost respect for you and all the mums with two young children. I have a 4 year age gap between my boys and even that is exhausting (and one of them is now at school!). I don’t have much time for myself either but it’s still not easy to actually come to terms with the fact that I really want a blinking bath but am likely to get disturbed! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
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November 19, 2017 at 11:08 am
I’m lucky that the two of them nap in the afternoon, but still that doesn’t seem enough to get on top of everything. Perhaps I should just ask for more help from the husband. He said he’s willing to, so why not hey! Lets see how this goes.
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November 19, 2017 at 12:49 pm
I’ve always said that I take my hat off to anyone who has two kids, and even more so with two so young. You are doing an incredible job and it must be hard. I struggle if I don’t get precious time to myself to get my stuff done. Thanks for joining in at #TriumphantTales, do come back Tuesday!
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November 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm
The classic spinning of plates us parents do. I also worry that my husband doesn’t get enough down time for himself too. If I’m not making myself feeling guilty about the kids, then it’s the husband or my folks. Just. Can’t. WIN! x
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November 19, 2017 at 9:39 pm
My first two children were 18 months apart and i don’t remember doing much else but looking after them (it was 18 years ago) There will be stages that require different routines so it’s just about working out what works for your family. Time flies so fast and they will soon be at school so that will be the perfect time to concentrate on picking back up the things that you love to do. #kcacols
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November 20, 2017 at 1:44 am
I could have written this myself lovely. I have two young Boys, one of 8 months and the other 2.5 years old. 22 months is all that’s between them… and 9 of those months were spent pregnant with my second so my body is well and truly out of shape too! I get frustrated a lot. And bitter at times. But you just keep going and acceptance becomes key. It’s not forever and these years will be missed. That doesn’t mean it isn’t shitty though, I’d be so happy to get back into my size 14 jeans and have a decent run of sleep some time soon! All in good time though. Thank you so much for joining in with the #HoneybeeLinky! Hope to see you next time! Xxx
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November 20, 2017 at 7:58 pm
I recently wrote a post about not being able to have it all, and the sooner I stopped trying & accepted it the better everything was! #twinklytuesday
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November 21, 2017 at 5:57 pm
I think my wife is struggling more with the fact that while she was never her own number 1 priority very little she does right now doesn’t involved our 15 month old son. For me I have work at least. #kcacols
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November 22, 2017 at 7:51 pm
I feel your wife on that one. It’s the relentless monotony of it. My son who’s 2.5-years-old is also a late speaker, so interaction is minimal even when I do make an effort. It’s hard, but as everyone tells me, it does get easier. Not wishing the time away at all, but also recognising that it is hard!
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November 22, 2017 at 9:31 am
It’s the biggest lie we get told. We can’t have it all. We can experience it all… BUT not at the same time. We can have a career and a family but generally not simultaneously. Today I sense a theme in blogs I’m reading… a general need to be kind to ourselves. #dreamteam
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November 22, 2017 at 7:58 pm
To be kind to ourselves and make sure we are kind to our female friends too! x
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November 23, 2017 at 10:04 am
I think it’s really hard to put ourselves first even just for a few moments, especially with young children! But, self care is so important for your mental health as well as physical. I’ve gotten really out of shape too and need to sort that out! X
#dreamteam
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November 23, 2017 at 10:17 am
Be kind to yourself and try to give yourself a break! You’ve still got very young children. I have two with the same age gap and it does get easier. Try not to be hard on yourself for all the things you “aren’t” doing and know that you WILL do them again in the near future. #KCACOLS
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November 23, 2017 at 10:19 am
Thanks for this Cheryl. I have taken a step back and shifted my focus somewhat. I’ve also just hired a treadmill for my garage so when they both nap in the afternoon I can get some much needed exercise in. My therapy!
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November 23, 2017 at 6:37 pm
Everyone is different and there’s certainly no right way to do things. Can be hard though when what you think will happen doesn’t, or you feel like you’d like to be doing more. On the plus side, you do get to hang around with the gorgeous kids #kcacols
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November 23, 2017 at 9:26 pm
Well done for being so honest – mine are now 2, 3 and 6 and I admit that I am only just starting to get some sense of myself back. Priorities shift and your expectations have to as well, it took me a really long time to realise that! #KCACOLS
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November 27, 2017 at 8:20 am
I know what you mean. I’ve always dreamt of setting up a business but I’m so involved with the kids at the moment I just don’t know when I’m going to find the time. Perhaps it’s just going to be a case of finding the time!
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November 24, 2017 at 8:29 am
I think it’s the only healthy way to get through tough periods, to remind yourself they won’t last forever and focus on the positives. #DreamTeam
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November 25, 2017 at 8:25 pm
I hear you! It is tough when you kids are little and with a close age gap. However, I can tell you now that it does get better as they grow older! Try to see if you can carve some time out for yourself once a week to take a break. #KCACOLS
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November 27, 2017 at 7:58 am
I think I’m *just* getting out the other end of adjusting to two kids, even this past fortnight has been noticeably easier. Maybe it’s just a shift in my mindset thanks to blogging but either way I’m thoroughly enjoying it. Thanks for taking the time to comment! X
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November 26, 2017 at 7:30 pm
I hear you. I’ve been told I need to go for a run a few times a week but I’ve never got into the whole running thing and have two little ones too. #DreamTeam
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November 27, 2017 at 7:43 am
I’m only 9 months into life with two children and I feel my entire life could be taken up with them. I’ve always dreamed of setting up a business, but how on earth do you find the hours? I guess it’ll be ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way’!
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