I’m losing mum friends left, right and centre as their maternity leave comes to an end and they go back to work. I have to admit it. It’s lonely and hard being a Stay At Home Mum (SAHM).
One of my closest mum friends, went back to work yesterday and good god it was a shock to the system.
Everything has gone rather quiet. There was no Whatsapping back and forth, no coffee at Waitrose, just Sprog and I chilling together. All day.
In fact, her going back to work almost put a rift between us. She didn’t want to return and freely admits she would love to be in my position. Things became awkward.
I felt I couldn’t moan about the days when all I wanted to do was to speak with an adult, about anything other than baby stuff. Or how hard things are just being home, stuck in the house all day with Sprog.
Luckily I decided to bite the bullet and she was fantastic. Mentioning that I felt lonely, and was struggling to see how I could speak honestly about my SAHM days, she actually said, it’s probably going to be harder for me!
I guess it goes deeper than me just feeling lonely, and worrying I’m going to be putting my foot in it about being a SAHM.
Husband and I worked incredibly hard to get ourselves in a position so that I could stay at home and look after Sprog, rather than put him in nursery.
So as I watch my fellow mums go back to work and I stay at home, it got me thinking that although it’s a huge privilege (although one my husband and I have worked hard for), I try to work out whether I’ve made the right decision for Sprog and I?
Was my friend right in admitting that she thought staying at home is going to be hard for me?
As someone who’s worked, in some way, shape or form since I was 12-years-old, I can hands down say being a SAHM is the TOUGHEST job I’ve ever had.
I can’t imagine life without Sprog, and for the majority of the time, love being a stay-at-home mum, but if I’m honest, it is indescribably hard to have my days revolve around everybody else.
The majority of each day, from the time I open my eyes in the morning, to the time I close them at night, revolves around somebody else. Whether it be Sprog, Husband or Dexter.
Even when I get the luxury of two-hours away from Sprog on a Friday, as a SAHM, the majority of each of my day isn’t mine.
I can never simply wake up and get on with things. I pretty much have to have a military plan to ensure the dog, baby and husband are all sorted and more importantly, harmonised!
Going from living for myself with just having my husband to consider, to this, having my entire life revolve around Sprog, it’s hard.
My entire life is to serve my Sprog.
I don’t think I’m being selfish, I think I’m being honest. It is a damn hard job, and I do sometimes feel frustration in the relentless, thankless role that staying at home places on me. Specially as those around me often make me feel I should be so very thankful for this gift.
Well, that was a rather unexpected rant. I know I do want to go back to work, but I also want to remain a stay-at-home Mum.
I wish someone could tell me how to achieve it all. How to balance everything, what to prioritise, when to go back to work, whether to get extra hands to look after my son.
Perhaps a cleaner, dog walker and gardener instead? To do all those tasks that take a ridiculous amount of time from my life, so I can focus on Sprog and work.