An awful argument lead to the realisation that only I can work out what makes me truly happy.
7-months sleep deprivation has made me a rather volatile person. Sorry, Sprog did allow his Dad and I one night off. There doesn’t seem to be a happy medium. The highs of becoming a mum have been the best, but the lows have felt catastrophic.
Thanks to the sheer exhaustion, I am a simmering pot of emotion and tension that can bubble over at any time. There doesn’t seem to be a happy medium.
It’s not just the tiredness associated with being a new mum that’s contributed to this volatility. It’s working out the new me. As a Mum.
So much has changed. My body, my responsibilities, the dynamics between my husband and I, they are all so very different since Sprog arrived.
It takes time to adjust to change, and I’ve been so hell bent on being the best mother, the best wife and the best dog owner that I’ve forgotten to be the best me.
I think running around making everyone else happy, will make me happy too. This is not the case.
Ensuring my family is happy will definitely contribute to my overall happiness, but, unless I factor in guilt-free me time focusing on what makes me happy, things are just going to spiral into a mess.
Spending time apart, away from my family is vital to ensure I re-charge my batteries. For some reason I had it in my head that a happy family was one that spent every waking hour together. Don’t ask me why!
Forced time together when I’m tired and fractious, just isn’t good for anyone. I’ve been fighting a losing battle. Tiredness means I can’t bite my tongue if husband does something in a different way to how I would, or let him take charge with Jack.
I need to learn to step away and let husband (who is beyond WONDERFUL with Jack and house chores) get on with it.
So, after another weekend of highs and lows, ending on a rather horrific argument with husband. I FINALLY saw the wood for the trees. Leave husband and Sprog, I headed to a spin class, something I thoroughly enjoyed doing pre-Sprog days.
Let’s just say it was a lightbulb moment. Finishing the class, I felt jubilant, tired, happy and clear headed. For the first time in a VERY long time I was just in the moment. Not thinking about the Sprog, planning activities, making shopping lists, washing nappies.
I was just Kirsty, in a room, sitting on a bike spinning away. It was BLOODY AMAZING!
Husband and I were stuck in a rut, unable to get out. It’s a shame it took such a huge argument for me to realise that something needed to give, but at least I’ve noticed it now I guess.
All husband wants is for me to be happy. He is more than capable of looking after himself and Sprog, so the only bit of this equation that needs to work things out, is me!
So, here’s to fighting the frump and getting back on the bike (excuse the pun).